Sunday, January 2, 2011

The United Colors of Snuff

Well, the PC crowd is out on the prowl and they've chastised me for using the "N word" in our last blog. It's a shame when in this day and age a man can't quote a Wu-Tang lyric or a famous line from the Chappelle Show's first season without being branded an offensive racist.

The line "niggas so stingy, they got short arms and deep pockets" was taken from the 1993 song Protect Ya Neck. GZA was describing the greed and shortsightedness rampant in the music industry at the time. I thought it was a perfect descriptor of our plight with advertisers. Apparently I'm not allowed to quote that song because I'm not black. Sorry.

The photo of GZA saying "You've got to diversify your marketing approach, nigga" is a paraphrase of the classic Wu-Tang Financial skit from the Dave Chappelle Show. In the skit, GZA tells an elderly white couple that they've "got to diversify your bonds, nigga." I thought that everyone in the free world has seen this sketch by now. Seriously, go up to anyone under the age of forty and say "You've got to diversify your bonds, nigga" and they'll know exactly what you're referencing. Then they'll probably ask you why you're referencing a MEME that died out almost ten years ago. That's when you counter with an "I'm Rick James, bitch" and they'll walk away realizing that you're just really behind the times.

We at The Ephemeris care little about what the PC crowd thinks of us, but we do acknowledge them as a genuine threat to independent thought and race relations in America. That's why I'm addressing the issue right now before we have another Mohammed the Prophet cartoon situation on our hands.

None of us at the Ephemeris are racist. Many of us are multi-racial, and at least two of our staff writers are black. Micah Rimel, our managing editor is a really dark-featured Swarthy type. We think he's Mexican, but he claims to be a Mongol. Or an Indian. You know, not the Indian-type of Indian, but the American type of Indian. Either way, he's pretty dark. Here's a portrait of Micah:

We can all take a joke. You can make fun of my Anglo-Saxon heritage all day and I won't break a sweat. Hell, throw in a swipe at Cherokee Indians and I'm ROTFLMAO. We have thick skin, no matter the color. That's what makes us American. (And Canadian). We're not bothered by name calling, and to call us ignorant or racist because we don't censor ourselves for your benefit only displays your own inherent racist tendencies.

For the six people that found our previous blog offensive, there was 362 others that didn't. I like those figures. It means that we're really progressing in this country, and not in the fake liberal sense of the word- it means that we've progressed to the point where satire and humor are no longer confused with racism by the community as a whole. If we work really hard, we can all help to reverse the damage that the PC 90's laid to race relations in the USA.

I hope that one day, we can all sit together on a couch and exchange jokes and anecdotes rife with "forbidden" words and ideas that aren't meant to be exchanged across cultural barriers. It's what we do at The Ephemeris. And I hope it's what you do in your own living room. 

                                      (Note: this photo is obviously staged. White people
                                       are never this funny around black people. )

In a way, I'm kind of glad that there was a tsk-tsking from the vocal minority. It shows us that people are paying attention. It also shows that there still exists a segment of our readership that doesn't "get" what we're about. We're not intentionally provocative, but if you found this post offensive, then you probably won't like our second issue.

Either way, we thank you for reading, and hope that you'll continue to buy our magazine, especially now that you know we're not really racists.

RW "Some of my best friends are Liberal" Hubbard



  1. I think the important thing is to know your audience and for your audience to know you. Some people could have taken the comments to be offensive because they are of the opinion that everyone from North Carolina is racist. Personally, I find that if you make fun of everything and every one, that's fine, but as soon as you leave one group out, than that's an injustice (similar to the South Park philosophy).
    Anyway, take care, Happy New Year, good luck with Issue #2, I'm sure it will be in my hands soon.

  2. Somebody actually complained about that?

    I guess I'm so un-PC that I read over it and didn't pay it any mind.